Rebranding
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Mr. Marshall and Mr. Carter sit at the table. They are actively discussing something. Suddenly, the door opens, and Mr. Dark enters the room.

Mr. Dark: - Gentlemen, I have the darnedest news! Our stocks went seventeen more points down. We’re losing clientele rapidly.

Mr. Marshall and Mr. Carter, in chorus: - How could this be?!

Mr. Dark: - Our competition’s actively sabotaging the business! The SCP Foundation robs our buyers, the Church of the Broken God and the “Meat Circus” sway the prominent folk to their side, the Factory’s taking the market by storm – I say, we don’t have a chance in the small business!

Mr. Carter: - What do we do, then? At this rate we’ll be left penniless, and no connections will help that.

Mr. Dark: - Calm, stay calm, my colleagues! I’ve thought this through. We can’t sell expensive artifacts to the rich bidders – then we’ll stamp them out en masse and make them accessible to the public! We’ll open up a dozen of branches in different countries – and then it won’t be long ‘till a hundred, or maybe two.

Mr. Marshall: - But will we make it alone? The scale, after all, compared to what we have now…

Mr. Dark: - I told you – I’ve thought this through and made a few deals. Allow me to present you…

Four men enter the room.


First, taking off their hat and exposing horns: - Mr. Natas, your advocate.

Second, adjusting his tie: - Mr. Luke. I don’t like to be called by full name – attracts too much needless attention.

Third: - Mr. Dark Junior.

Mr. Dark: - It’s a family business, so to speak.

Mr. Marshall, in displeased tone: - And who’s this oaf?

Oaf: - Scruffy, the janitor.

Mr. Dark: - He’s the majority stakeholder in our company.

Mr. Carter: - Our situation really is dire.

Mr. Dark, to the guests: - And these are Mr. Marshall and Mr. Carter, the owners of our little establishment. Wonderful people, you’ll get along nicely.

Mr. Natas: - All the pacts have been signed, we can begin right now. But, as a co-owner of the company, I demand rebranding – each of us deserves a mention in the name of the establishment.

Mr. Carter, counting something: - That’ll be too long. Even if we only use the first letters. Just listen: MCDNLDS!

Mr. Marshall: - Excuse me, but I insist Mr. Scruffy’s name does not stand in line with the rest. Nothing personal – but a janitor director might scare away the clients.

Mr. Carter: - We’ll separate him with an apostrophe. Mr. Scruffy, any objections?

Scruffy: - It’s alright.

Mr. Marshall: - Splendid. But the name’s still just unreadable, forget about memorable. Maybe if we add some vowels…

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