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Digital copy of SCP-1283

Object №: SCP-1283-RU

Object class: Safe Neutralised

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1283 must be secured on Site 7, in the storage locker №32 in an opaque document case. Access to the locker is to be granted through written permission of two level 3 personell. All memetic safety procedures must be followed when retrieving the object. Experiments and interactions with the object are to be carried out through use of D-Class personell only.

Update, 09.08.20██: The object has been neutralised, Special Containment Procedures no longer apply.

Description: SCP-1283 consists of a size-A4 paper sheet bearing a crude drawing of some creature vaguely reminiscent of a bee or a wasp (see attached image). The lower part of the image bears writing in the English language, reading "I EXIST TO BRING PAIN". The jagged line above the creature, as is theorised, represents flames.

The anomalous properties of the object are activated when a human (from that moment on designated as SCP-1283-A) looks upon the image. SCP-1283-A first falls into a state of euphoria followed by unstoppable fits of laughter lasting for approximately two minutes. The subject returns to normal after said time period expires; the anomaly does not trigger from repeated interactions with those already affected from then on, although instances of SCP-1283-A may sometimes note that the image is "kind of funny".

Approximately 10-15 minutes later a random anomalous event, usually in some way or form linked with the subject of bees, occurs with SCP-1283-A. As of now all such registered events remain unique.

The list of the most notable anomalous events is attached below; refer to Document 1283-1 for the full protocol log.

Experiment № Result
1 The subject managed to retell the text of Anatole France's "Bee" in its original language. According to the subject's testimonies, he had knowledge of the text prior to that moment.
3 The subject suffered an onset of disassociative identity disorder and, as a result, now considers himself a renowned apiarist named Taras Petrovich Bumblebeeson.
7 The subject managed to perform a portion of the "Bumblebee's Flight" interlude backwards on a provided electric guitar.
11 The subject became fixated on the idea of an invasion of "alien parasitic bees from Bee Planet", which supposedly hide amidst normal insects and act incognito.
15 The subject expressed desire to eat some honey and condensed milk, and also gained an affinity with making short funny rhymes.
21 The subject fell into insanity and started pointing at people and various objects while yelling the word "bees".
28 The subject started a philosophical debate with himself, the topics of which were Bernard de Mandeville's "The Fable of Bees" (also known as "Private Vices, Publick Benefits") and the sixteenth surah of the Qur'an labeled "Sūrat an-Naḥl" ("The Bees").
32 The subject's skin suddenly developed numerous blisters reminscent of those appearing from bee stings.
39 The subject developed a consistent dislike of honey and other bee-produced products, including beewax candles.
46 The subject claimed that the SCP's contents changed completely. Analysis carried out through the use of a remotely controlled robot and a remote viewing system revealed no changes in the depiction, which meant that the subject perceived the image differently. When asked to redraw the contents of the image, the subject produced an image roughly similar to that of a hippopotamus. Upon finishing the drawing the subject loudly announced "I'm a hippo-happy-happy, I will kiss you on the tummy".
Subject №46's drawing

Acquisition history: SCP-1283 was found during a raid on an "Are We Cool Yet?" organisation member's residence, alongside several non-anomalous drawings within a paper folder marked "Drafts". One of the agents became accidentally affected by the object; proper containment measures were effected soon afterwards.

Addendum 1283-1: Excerpts of Protocol №34-А-1283 dating 02.08.20██ ("On further research of SCP-1283-RU")

It is just an image that leads to random happenstances to the subjects. This so called "object" seems completely absurd and worthless to me. I see no point in continuing the experiments and request its reclassification as an Anomalous Object, which would free up the number for something actually dangerous and meaningful. - Senior researcher ███████

I don't think we will get any more meaningful insights from further experiments with 1283. In addition to that we only waste D-Class personell that could be much more useful in more serious studies. Agreeing with ███████'s proposal. - Dr. ███████

I'll concur. While the world and reality are threatened by much more serious anomalies we waste valuable efforts on some meaningless scrawls. Requesting not only reclassification to "Anomalous Object", but also neutralisation in the forseeable future. - Prof. ███████

Object reclassification proposal accepted. - О5-█

Addendum 1283-2: Message from an unidentified source.

On 12.08.20██ the senior researcher ███████ received an email from an unknown sender, containing an audiofile "poslanie.wav". The message was identified by a D-Class member as a recording of a distorted male voice addressing the Foundation scientific staff, periodically alterating with snippets of the song "The Real Deal" ("Реальная тема") by "Bricks" ("Кирпичи").

Transcript of the recording is attached below.

Ladies and gentleladies.

You drive me nuts.


Come near, here, this is the real deal
Your idiotic system is making me squeal
All your junk is all neatly shelved up into boxes
In a meaningless world that is full of paradoxes

You've turned into pedantic snobs.

And it's all so smooth, a wall of brick and mortar
Even though our anarchy is the current worldly order

You've entrenched into sciences, philosophies, common sense.

Whereas I don't even understand philosophy. I never did.

Always skipped lectures on that stuff in the uni.

You won't grind me down in the filthy machine
Because I swoop under your loaded magazine
My life is a simple and boring tale
A work job offer, spam letter in your mail

You flex your forehead muscles and put effort into pretending that the world around is all right, fair and square, and that the absurd is heresy and must be exterminated. Whereas for me the absurd is the meaning of life. The absurd is everywhere, and you can't deny it or hide from it no matter how hard you try.

Oh golly, golly, look at your folly
You live on rewind like wind-up dolly
From here to there, from five to nine
Your house is burning and you pretend you're fine

You sit there in your Sites, I bet, on iron chairs, in the four concrete walls, and chant: "No absurdity allowed, no absurdity allowed".

Where did your curiousity go? And what about your "Secure, Contain, Protect"?

The americans are way easier to work with simply because they have no unspoken rules of seriousness and no absolute square-headedness.

So take a look at me and hear what I am saying
Cause those are words of freedom and I am sharing
Because I am free, and not dreaming, too
And I never would have wanted to become like you

And that is how.
We have it. That is how it goes.
Crappy, that's how.

Addendum 1283-3: Incident 1283-F.

On 09.08.20██ the anomalous object №████ (formerly known as SCP-1283), previously stored on Site ██, has been destroyed in a fire caused by a partial containment breach of SCP-████. The object has been classified as "neutralised".

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